|
|
Post by Lobster on Jul 10, 2019 8:02:41 GMT
A man goes to the opticians and says "I think I have a problem. I'm seeing six months into the future."
The optician says "that's not a problem at all. You have 2020 vision!"
Share your rubbish jokes here.
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Jul 10, 2019 8:26:09 GMT
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who.
I didn’t realise you could yodel!
|
|
|
|
Post by everhopeful on Jul 10, 2019 16:55:01 GMT
The man who digs up the road really knows the drill!
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Jul 10, 2019 17:17:42 GMT
What did O say to Q - hey mate your todger’s hanging out!
|
|
|
|
Post by Rio Doherty on Jul 10, 2019 21:23:57 GMT
I have an aunt who likes to moisturise herself. Every time I greet her I say "Aloe Vera!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Lobster on Jul 11, 2019 16:16:51 GMT
I saw two aerials get married this afternoon. The wedding wasn't that great but the reception was excellent.
|
|
|
|
Post by loskasleftfoot on Jul 22, 2019 13:35:07 GMT
A woman walked into the bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one
|
|
|
|
Post by Lobster on Jul 22, 2019 22:03:15 GMT
What do you call a singer with a biscuit on his head?
Lionel Rich Tea.
|
|
|
|
Post by Lobster on Aug 11, 2019 8:03:18 GMT
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their heads are a long way away from their bodies.
|
|
|
|
Post by Hannibal on Aug 17, 2019 9:58:59 GMT
My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkeys. I didn't believe her ~~ then I saw her face.
|
|
|
|
Post by archwhopper on Sept 6, 2019 14:14:15 GMT
my mrs is leaving me, she say's i think more about football than her, shame really, we been together for 8 seasons
|
|
|
|
Post by wendel on Sept 6, 2019 14:14:59 GMT
Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Jeremy Corbyn then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch me and listen" The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"
Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mother? The Queen smiled and said to Charles, "Answer me this please Charles. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered "That would be me." "Yes, very good!" Said the Queen. Ah ha I get it said Jeremy, thank you Ma'am. And in a great rush he left.
Corbyn went back to Parliament and decided to ask Diane Abbott the same question. "Diane, answer this for me." "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Abbott. And then in true Diane Abbott style she went on to say. "Let me get back to you on that one." She went to her advisers and asked everyone, but none could give her an answer.
Frustrated, Diane went for a coffee and met Nigel Farage. "Nigel, see if you can answer this question." "Yes Diane" replied Nigel. "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Farage immediately answered, "That's easy, it's me!" Abbott grinned, and said, "Good answer Nigel, I see it all now!"
Abbott then, went back to find Corbyn and said to him; "Jeremy, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle." "If your mother and father have a child who is not your brother or your sister, the child is Nigel Farage!" Corbyn went red in the face, got up, stomped over to Abbott, and yelled in her face, "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles”........
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian H Block on Sept 6, 2019 17:58:17 GMT
Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Jeremy Corbyn then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch me and listen" The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?" Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mother? The Queen smiled and said to Charles, "Answer me this please Charles. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered "That would be me." "Yes, very good!" Said the Queen. Ah ha I get it said Jeremy, thank you Ma'am. And in a great rush he left. Corbyn went back to Parliament and decided to ask Diane Abbott the same question. "Diane, answer this for me." "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Abbott. And then in true Diane Abbott style she went on to say. "Let me get back to you on that one." She went to her advisers and asked everyone, but none could give her an answer. Frustrated, Diane went for a coffee and met Nigel Farage. "Nigel, see if you can answer this question." "Yes Diane" replied Nigel. "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Farage immediately answered, "That's easy, it's me!" Abbott grinned, and said, "Good answer Nigel, I see it all now!" Abbott then, went back to find Corbyn and said to him; "Jeremy, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle." "If your mother and father have a child who is not your brother or your sister, the child is Nigel Farage!" Corbyn went red in the face, got up, stomped over to Abbott, and yelled in her face, "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles”........ TL;DR |
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Sept 7, 2019 10:31:07 GMT
The post office have just recalled their latest stamps.
The stamps have images of Wrexham players on them and people were confused as to which side to spit on first!
|
|
|
|
Post by archwhopper on Sept 7, 2019 11:06:14 GMT
Went to a fancy dress party in a wrexham top, the door opened and i was suprised everyone else was dressed as dracula,i must of misread the invitation when it said come dressed as a count.
|
|
|
|
Post by Frank Owen’s Paintbrush on Sept 9, 2019 6:37:55 GMT
Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Jeremy Corbyn then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch me and listen" The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?" Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mother? The Queen smiled and said to Charles, "Answer me this please Charles. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered "That would be me." "Yes, very good!" Said the Queen. Ah ha I get it said Jeremy, thank you Ma'am. And in a great rush he left. Corbyn went back to Parliament and decided to ask Diane Abbott the same question. "Diane, answer this for me." "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Abbott. And then in true Diane Abbott style she went on to say. "Let me get back to you on that one." She went to her advisers and asked everyone, but none could give her an answer. Frustrated, Diane went for a coffee and met Nigel Farage. "Nigel, see if you can answer this question." "Yes Diane" replied Nigel. "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Farage immediately answered, "That's easy, it's me!" Abbott grinned, and said, "Good answer Nigel, I see it all now!" Abbott then, went back to find Corbyn and said to him; "Jeremy, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle." "If your mother and father have a child who is not your brother or your sister, the child is Nigel Farage!" Corbyn went red in the face, got up, stomped over to Abbott, and yelled in her face, "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles”........ You’re right, that is a crap joke. |
|
|
|
Post by wendel on Sept 9, 2019 11:38:13 GMT
Well you're not going to put to much effort into ripping into your idol. It is to easy.
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Sept 20, 2019 9:42:54 GMT
Just seen a bloke running down the road with a black cape on.
I said to him “Are you some kind of super hero?”
He said “No, I’ve just run out of the barbers without paying.”
|
|
|
|
Post by Lobster on Sept 20, 2019 10:53:10 GMT
I've just bought a bin, but it's not very good. In fact, it's a rubbish bin.
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Sept 20, 2019 11:20:15 GMT
My cousin is in hospital having put 25 plastic horses up his backside. Doctors have said his condition is stable.
|
|
|
|
Post by gezzer on Sept 20, 2019 11:39:44 GMT
Blind man walks into a bar, picks up his guide dog and starts swinging him around. Barman shouts "oi, whats going on?" Blind man "Just having a look around"
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2019 11:46:38 GMT
I used to have a dog who thought he was a blacksmith, I kicked him up the arse and he made a bolt for the door.
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Oct 16, 2019 12:25:48 GMT
I regret rubbing ketchup into my eyes.
But that’s Heinz sight!
|
|
|
|
Post by eyeswideopen on Oct 16, 2019 12:52:35 GMT
A coach load of Elvis impersonators was involved in a minor collision today, nobody was hurt but they were all shook up.
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Oct 16, 2019 14:49:03 GMT
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
answer: fsh
|
|
|
|
Post by 54321 on Oct 29, 2019 21:33:22 GMT
My grief counsellor died the other day he was so good I didn't give a shit!
|
|
|
|
Post by 54321 on Nov 7, 2019 17:47:21 GMT
Follow Garry Delaney on twitter best comedian for one liners imo.
|
|
|
|
Post by sealandender1 on Nov 7, 2019 18:04:46 GMT
Follow Garry Delaney on twitter best comedian for one liners imo. ’Gary’ He’s OK, married to that Sarah Millican. |
|
|
|
Post by 54321 on Nov 8, 2019 16:02:24 GMT
Follow Garry Delaney on twitter best comedian for one liners imo. ’Gary’ He’s OK, married to that Sarah Millican. That's the one Pal. |
|
|
|
Post by Ian H Block on Nov 8, 2019 16:30:03 GMT
’Gary’ He’s OK, married to that Sarah Millican. That's the one Pal. The funniest thing about Gary Delaney is that he’s married to Sarah Millican. They must be the Fred and Rose West of stand up comedy. |
|
