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Post by wxmred on Jul 13, 2021 18:51:01 GMT
A man walks into a store and is looking at the handbags. He picks one up and asks the assistant how much it would cost.
The assistant replies "£200 for that one".
Shocked the customer says "£200! Why does it cost so much? It's only small and doesn't look anything special."
The assistant says, "It's the material it's made of."
Confused the customer asks, "What is it made of then?"
The assistant grins and says, "Foreskin. It's unique -- you give it a bit of a rub and a lick and it grows into a suitcase!"
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Post by ivawhopper on Jul 15, 2021 12:36:21 GMT
I asked the Missus for a bacon bap for breakfast. She brought me a pig with boobies. I didn't know what to say, so I offered a sausage.
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Post by Lobster on Jul 15, 2021 20:30:12 GMT
A computer programmer's wife says to him "Go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen".
He comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
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Post by Frank Owen’s Paintbrush on Jul 15, 2021 20:56:17 GMT
A Professor of Chemistry and his acquaintance walk into a bar.
"A pint of H2O please, barman", says the Professor.
"Oooh, I'll have a pint of water too, please", says the other man.
The professor falls silent, looking forlorn, brow furrowed with the disappointment of a failed murder plan.
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Post by sealandender1 on Jul 30, 2021 9:41:09 GMT
I went to the gym yesterday and said to the instructor that I’d lke to learn to do the splits. He said, how flexible are you? I said I can’t do Wednesday afternoons!!!
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Post by Frank Owen’s Paintbrush on Jul 30, 2021 14:31:12 GMT
Craig David is helping out Team GB’s archery team in this years Olympics.
He’s the bow selector.
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Post by Lobster on Jul 30, 2021 16:02:32 GMT
Craig David is helping out Team GB’s archery team in this years Olympics. He’s the bow selector. I hear there was also some confusion at the athletics today. One competitor was asked "are you a pole vaulter"? He replied, "no, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?" |
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Post by sealandender1 on Sept 13, 2021 11:41:58 GMT
Wife asked me had I seen the dog bowl.
Didn’t know it was interested in cricket!!!
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Post by sealandender1 on Sept 13, 2021 11:44:19 GMT
What do you call a chicken looking at a piece of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad!!!
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Post by sealandender1 on Sept 13, 2021 11:46:22 GMT
I was walking past the cemetery and saw a man, I said ‘morning’.
He said, No, just out with the dog!!!
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dhw
Full Member
Posts: 143
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Post by dhw on Sept 28, 2021 9:19:49 GMT
Which of the spice girls can always get petrol, even in a crisis?
Well, Geri Can.
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Post by ivawhopper on Sept 30, 2021 12:48:00 GMT
Which of the spice girls can always get petrol, even in a crisis? Well, Geri Can. Mel B - she was hotter! |
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Post by Lobster on Aug 14, 2022 8:31:21 GMT
Those complaining about the weather at the moment should be thankful it's not snowing. Imagine shovelling snow in this heat!
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Post by southernblue on Dec 10, 2022 11:45:16 GMT
I met a Dalek the other day and he was also from the West Country. I asked him where he was from, and he kept repeating "Exeter mate".
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