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Post by Firestick Frank on Feb 25, 2020 11:34:07 GMT
I think he thinks I wouldn’t be successful in performing the emergency operation.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2020 10:12:44 GMT
As kid I said to my dad. I've got my eye on a bike in Halford. He said keep your eye on it son you won't be getting your arse on it
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Post by Rio Doherty on Mar 2, 2020 20:56:07 GMT
Jon McCarthy.
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Post by 54321 on Mar 9, 2020 15:39:46 GMT
Sad to see the biography of Joseph Fritzl hasn't made the best cellar list.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2020 21:37:07 GMT
I would like to die peacefully in my sleep just like my grandad. Not screaming like the other people in the car he was driving
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Post by 54321 on Mar 24, 2020 16:37:55 GMT
There's two types of people, diabetics.
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Post by paikallinen on Mar 25, 2020 10:01:58 GMT
There are 10 types of people - those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Post by Firestick Frank on Mar 25, 2020 19:35:29 GMT
Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19. Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer, 14.
👀👀
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Post by Firestick Frank on Apr 8, 2020 17:16:16 GMT
My brothers a locksmith. Does that mean he’s a key worker?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2020 17:24:23 GMT
Reports of a man being shot 200 times by an upholstery gun.
He is now fully recovered
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Post by Firestick Frank on Apr 14, 2020 13:03:58 GMT
Priti Patel has hit back against criticism today saying two thirds of the population don't know what the other half is talking about.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2020 19:56:41 GMT
nelson Mandela was watching tv when a large white van pulled up outside his house .the driver says i have a delivery for you 5000 hub caps. mandela said let me look at the paper work. he said its not me it says nissan main dealer
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Post by Firestick Frank on Apr 21, 2020 12:20:17 GMT
If Boris Johnson, Tim Martin and Richard Branson were drowning in a river and you only had enough time to save one - what sandwich would you make?
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Post by Wortleyblue on Apr 21, 2020 13:01:56 GMT
Whats the difference between Jeremy Corbyn and a Baboon one is a big arsehole the other has a big pink bottom
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Post by gezzer on May 4, 2020 16:50:45 GMT
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you I have contacts
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Post by wxmred on May 4, 2020 21:51:14 GMT
Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.
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Post by sealandender1 on May 5, 2020 8:59:54 GMT
A bloke wants to take part in a karaoke contest and goes to register his song. The organiser says “and what song are you going to sing?” “I’d like to sing Covid-19!” Sorry I don’t know that one” “You do, it’s the one by Dexy’s Midnight Runners!!!!”
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Post by waggoner on May 12, 2020 9:42:18 GMT
Paddy steals a horsebox and gets pulled over on the A1.
Copper asks ''is this your vehicle, where you going''?
Paddy ''Redcar races''
Copper ''during lockdown''? ''right let me look in the back''
Copper looks in the back ''it's empty''!
Paddy ''yea it's the non runners''
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2020 11:34:26 GMT
If you were a child when Red Red wine was released
UB 40 ish. Now
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Post by Lobster on May 26, 2020 14:18:48 GMT
If you were a child when Red Red wine was released UB 40 ish. Now Tragically true for me. I think my folks only had two tapes they ever played in the car - one was UB40's greatest hits, the other was the excellent 'The Raw and the Cooked' by Fine Young Cannibals. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2020 17:11:41 GMT
elton john does not eat lettuce
he's a rocket man
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Post by 54321 on Jun 7, 2020 15:38:25 GMT
I've Just been told they can't remove the shrapnel in my leg, it's a bit of a bombshell.
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Post by Lobster on Jun 7, 2020 16:44:17 GMT
I went to a fancy dress party once and there was a couple dressed as a gooseberry and a tub of yogurt. They made a fool of themselves.
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Post by Lobster on Jun 9, 2020 8:43:03 GMT
Did you hear about the Spanish musician who took up fishing? He was no good at using the rod, but he knew how to cast a net.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2020 11:37:55 GMT
Dyslexic protesters trash a branch of superdrug because of its links with the salve trade
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Post by Ian H Block on Jun 14, 2020 11:44:20 GMT
Dyslexic protesters trash a branch of superdrug because of its links with the salve trade Get a load of Jim Davidson over here. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2020 11:56:08 GMT
Who is Jim Davidson?
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Post by Lobster on Jun 19, 2020 8:53:40 GMT
Why was the charitable car parts dealer banned from the Game of Thrones fan club?
He kept giving away spoilers!
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Post by g1 on Jun 19, 2020 20:26:50 GMT
I once met al Pacino's brother he was called capanico
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Post by wxmred on Jun 23, 2020 21:48:24 GMT
Found a box of Viagra the other night but I took one and it didn't work..
Must be past their swell by date!
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