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Post by 54321 on Nov 8, 2019 17:03:54 GMT
The funniest thing about Gary Delaney is that he’s married to Sarah Millican. They must be the Fred and Rose West of stand up comedy. Rather Harsh but if that's what you think then so be it!! |
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Post by sealandender1 on Nov 11, 2019 12:26:02 GMT
What’s brown and bad for your teeth?
A brick
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Post by ivawhopper on Nov 13, 2019 23:19:06 GMT
What’s the difference between a lamp post and a Christmas tree?
Baubles.
Hahahahahahahahaha
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Post by Lobster on Nov 14, 2019 8:08:00 GMT
What’s the difference between a lamp post and a Christmas tree? Baubles. Hahahahahahahahaha Actually, many lamp posts at this time of year are decorated with baubles and other Christmas paraphernalia, so your joke is seasonally inaccurate. |
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Post by Lobster on Nov 14, 2019 10:09:36 GMT
If you book a holiday to the Maldives via a travel agent, is it atoll protected?
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Post by sealandender1 on Nov 14, 2019 11:01:18 GMT
If you book a holiday to the Maldives via a travel agent, is it atoll protected? Joking apart . . . what a beautiful part of the world. |
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Post by Lobster on Nov 20, 2019 15:54:34 GMT
What did Adam say on December 24th?
Since, according to the Bible, the book of Genesis predates the birth of Jesus Christ by several centuries, let alone the introduction of the Gregorian calendar, it's unlikely the date held any significance. So he probably just said "good morning, Eve" or something.
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Post by Frank Owen’s Paintbrush on Nov 20, 2019 16:39:08 GMT
What did Adam say on December 24th? Since, according to the Bible, the book of Genesis predates the birth of Jesus Christ by several centuries, let alone the introduction of the Gregorian calendar, it's unlikely the date held any significance. So he probably just said "good morning, Eve" or something. Spoilt it, should’ve said “good Eve-ning”. |
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Post by Lobster on Nov 20, 2019 17:08:30 GMT
What did Adam say on December 24th? Since, according to the Bible, the book of Genesis predates the birth of Jesus Christ by several centuries, let alone the introduction of the Gregorian calendar, it's unlikely the date held any significance. So he probably just said "good morning, Eve" or something. Spoilt it, should’ve said “good Eve-ning”. He made that joke at her every evening, thus leading to the creation of domestic violence. |
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Post by 54321 on Dec 20, 2019 16:08:35 GMT
Don't sniff Creosote. It's a gateway drug.
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Post by archwhopper on Dec 21, 2019 10:16:11 GMT
My mrs says she wanted a new dildo for xmas so off we went to ann summers, which one do you want i asked and she said the big red one in the corner, jesus love thats a fire extinguisher
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Post by Rio Doherty on Dec 23, 2019 16:06:50 GMT
An old lady at the bank asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2019 20:57:52 GMT
A bloke was telling me he was visiting his sister in hospital. He then said its actually his half sister. I said is that on your dad's side or your mums. He said neither it was shark bite
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Post by 54321 on Dec 30, 2019 22:47:43 GMT
Haha nice one 😂👍
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Post by 54321 on Jan 2, 2020 20:06:12 GMT
I owe so much money to my herb supplier that he's threatened to send round the bay leafs
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Post by Lobster on Jan 3, 2020 9:38:06 GMT
Quite proud of the fact that this thread is still going, even though the joke that started it no longer makes sense.
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Post by 54321 on Jan 3, 2020 15:28:31 GMT
My brother had a drum kit fall on his head and it led to percussion, but don't worry, it sounds a lot worse than it actually is.
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Post by 54321 on Jan 3, 2020 17:19:09 GMT
I asked My son what should buy my granddaughter for Christmas He said anything frozen so I bought frozen chips and peas.
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Post by Lobster on Jan 5, 2020 10:20:55 GMT
A man goes to the dentist and says "I'm in a lot of pain. I think I have Ultravox Syndrome."
"I've never heard of that," says the dentist. "Where's the pain?"
"Mid-jaw" he replies.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2020 12:39:43 GMT
A man goes to the dentist and says "I'm in a lot of pain. I think I have Ultravox Syndrome." "I've never heard of that," says the dentist. "Where's the pain?" "Mid-jaw" he replies. This means nothing to me ? |
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Post by 54321 on Jan 5, 2020 21:52:50 GMT
A man goes to the dentist and says "I'm in a lot of pain. I think I have Ultravox Syndrome." "I've never heard of that," says the dentist. "Where's the pain?" "Mid-jaw" he replies. This means nothing to me ? |
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Post by 54321 on Jan 5, 2020 21:53:21 GMT
This means nothing to me ? |
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Post by 54321 on Jan 6, 2020 17:37:36 GMT
Got hit on the head at this years fancy dress party by Batman with a vase he then said T'pau I said don't you mean Kapow to witch he said no I've got china in my hands.
Just trying to keep up with music jokes(well did say crap jokes)
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Post by Lobster on Jan 6, 2020 17:49:26 GMT
Got hit on the head at this years fancy dress party by Batman with a vase he then said T'pau I said don't you mean Kapow to witch he said no I've got china in my hands. Just trying to keep up with music jokes(well did say crap jokes) Like something Alan Partridge would make up on the spot when taunted by Dave Clifton, that!  |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2020 15:13:15 GMT
Why do scuba divers fall backwards of the boat? Because if they fell forward they would still be on the boat.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2020 16:17:54 GMT
Just found an easy way to spot the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. One will see you later the other in a while.
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Post by Frank Owen’s Paintbrush on Feb 25, 2020 7:51:01 GMT
It finally happened! The flight attendant asked "is there a doctor on this flight?" and I leapt up and said yes!
Did a tracheotomy at 30,000ft with a razor blade and ballpoint pen.
He didn't make it, but the thrill was undeniable. Thinking of going to medical school now.
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Post by sealandender1 on Feb 25, 2020 9:24:40 GMT
Try practising on your own wind pipe and give us all a break!
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Post by Frank Owen’s Paintbrush on Feb 25, 2020 10:49:48 GMT
How would that stop me from typing on a keyboard?
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Post by Lobster on Feb 25, 2020 11:10:43 GMT
Presumably you'd need to use your hands to do it.
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